Different Does Not Mean Wrong

Different does not mean wrong.
Different does not mean wrong.
Different does not mean wrong.

This has become a mantra in my life, beginning some years ago in my marriage.

For the first few years of our marriage, I equated different with wrong.  J's different than me, in more senses than just being a boy, therefore, he must be wrong. Different is wrong.

In my world, everything has a place and everything in it's place.  To J, everything has a place, and that place is where ever he put it down.
To me, I knew the Lord as a very personal God. J knew Him as holy, Lord, one to be revered.
I tend to be on the louder, let you know what I think side. J, not so much.

Guess what? I always (and that is not is not an exaggeration) thought he was the one who was wrong. How could he not know that everything needed to be nice and neatly put up? What do you mean that processing before speaking is a good thing; isn't it better to just let it out when you think it? I really in truly never, ever, ever considered that his way might be a good way or that there might be something that I could learn from it.  He, in my humble opinion, was wrong.  OR to put it another way, I was right, period. End of story.

Then I learned something, something very,very valuable. Different does not mean wrong. As long as different does not go against the law or against God's word. Different is just that, different.  Surprise of all surprises to me, different can also be good, very good, and at the same time, very painful.  The problem was, I was so set in my ways, that I had become unteachable.

What I found is it is good. It's maddening, but it's good.  Jamison has taught me to sometimes let things be - a little dirt and chaos is ok (but not a lot), he's helped me to reverence the Lord more and to maybe take my volume down a notch or two and think (if only briefly) before I speak.  On the flip side, he will tell you he has come towards me. He's become more organized, he's learned to speak up and that conflict is not all bad, and that the Lord does care about the personal details.  We've both changed and that change is good.

What brought all of this up?  Believe it or not, a conversation I had with a friend about parenting.  What do you mean you don't let your kids drink caffeine, watch tv, eat a little junk, spank your child?  Haven't you learned that tv is your friend?  That a little caffeine never killed anyone? that junk food allows you to try on clothes in a store? Not only that, I have been prideful enough to think, but maybe not say, just wait, she'll figure it out.  Because, why? Because, I am right, of course.  

Then I learned again, different is not wrong. Different is different and different is good. That mom who does not allow much tv watching has some great ideas of things to do on a rainy day. The mom who is careful what her child eats can teach me much about creative and healthy lunches.  Discipline techniques - I could learn more.

My conversation caused me to stop and think about a few things.  Why do I parent the way I parent?  Why do I make the decisions that I do?  Why do I let my kids do some things and not others?  Why do I use the discipline measures I do?

Instead of pumping my ego up that I have parenting all figured out, I need to be looking at these situations and asking myself:
-  So, what? In the grand scheme of things, does it really matter? So what if we differ on diets, television time, etc.
-  What can I learn from another parent? Is there something she is doing right that I had not thought of?  Instead of assuming that what I am doing is right, why don't I assume that the other parent has great ideas as well.
-  Is this a salvation issue?

How boring, no, how loud would this world be if there were a bunch of Jen Smith's running around? The kids might be pretty unruly too.  The world would be organized for sure, but it wouldn't be very decorated.  The kids would be clean, but would they have had much fun?


Differences are like iron, sharpening one another, molding us, conforming us, dare I say, sanctifying us.  The  question I have to ask myself is, am I staying mold able, changeable, conformable or am I insisting on my own way in my marriage, in my parenting, in my life?

Different does not me wrong.