Help for the Hopeless, Hapless Husband

Hi-ho, Jamison here.

Shortly after Jen wrote her review of "Loving the Little Years" she turned around and sent some lovin' my way in the form of an invitation to post on her blog. Yes, you guessed it: what goes around comes around and I've been encouraged, nay, instructed, to write a review for a book I just read. Holy shoot.

Put the Seat Down (And Other Brilliant Insights for an Awesome First Year of Marriage): A Guy's Guide by Jess MacCallum is a quick and punchy little read and I highly recommend it to your husbands as a great reference. The fact that it's aimed at the the newlywed didn't scare me off because I really liked the title. I figured that if I could get the cover advice right (put the seat down!) then I could surely handle the other 120 pages! I was... mostly right. We've been married six years now so I can say that I've heard most of the advice MacCallum gives. I've even incorporated some of it along the way, but orgotten or neglected other good pointers he gives.

The book is a quick read, perfectly suited for male attention spans (or so Jen tells me): small pages, big print, and lots of white space. Definitely NOT an academic volume, so breathe easy guys. The first part of each chapter is a discussion of the topic at hand (communication, consideration, sex, in-laws, etc.); the second part, subtitled "The Smart Guy's Guide to Being Awesome," consists of a a few pages of bullet-point tips and ideas to help work out the day-to-day. Cheesy title, yes, but helpful. For instance, the chapter on communication suggests that the awesome husband should, "Watch for signs of listener fatigue to see if you are being just too fascinating for human companionship. Quickly revert to the second bullet point above: ask questions." I know Jen will agree with that one!

A couple more samples to further whet your appetite:

• Chapter Two ("Shut Up and Talk") wherein I was reminded yet again of the differences in how men and women communicate, particularly the idea that women actually use talking as a way to communicate. "This... will be enriching to her as she gets to talk in journalistic detail about everything your new life together entails.... You will be yearning to tell her about the riding mower you sat on at Home Depot last Saturday. She will need to share a brand-new fear she has that no one in the history of rational thought has ever had.... She will be bonding while she is talking. The smart husband will - and I know you will not get this any easier than I have - get her to talk more."
  
• Chapter Five ("Put the Seat Down"), an admonition to show uncommon consideration toward your wife. "Pick up her stuff as well as yours. It's easy to say that you pick up after yourself, but that just makes you a well-raised ten-year-old child. A considerate husband picks up after his wife as well."

All in all, I found Put the Seat Down to be a profitable book full of reminders for the experienced husband, and would put it on the short list of books I'd recommend to a newlywed to help him navigate the pitfalls (vagaries?) of the first year of marriage. MacCallum writes as an older Christian brother to his younger Christian brothers who are just starting down the road he's spent 20+ years on. I appreciated the Christian context for sure, but therein lies my only real gripe with the book, unfortunately. Some of his use of Scripture feels forced, as if he had to throw some references in or it wouldn't be a sufficiently Christian book. I don't think the point would have been lost had some of those verse references been left out. I'm not smart enough to suggest improvements for those cases (and this review is getting long!), but if you can overlook this minor failing I think you'll find it well worth the read.

Oh, and did I mention that there's a companion book for you ladies? He's Not a Mind Reader (and Other Brilliant Insights for a Fabulous First Year of Marriage): A Girl's Guide by Brenda Garrison. I'll leave that one to Jen.